bitter sweet finish line

....and here it is. 1 day remains of these 154 days of transformation. I'm out of words to describe my feelings, that's why the tittle to the post is bitter sweet. Family and friends have been asking me how I feel and to be very honest I feel like I could concur and tackle anything I want in my life. On the other hand I think about the journey itself and my feelings are different.

For 6 months I've been immersed in this transformation, its become part of my everyday life, I lived and breathed training and prepping and to see it all change and not having to think 2 steps ahead is something I'm going to miss. When I started, someone told me that this bikini and fitness season would become addictive.....I didn't see it then, since I was so focused on getting a routine going and trying to make it fast and easy to prep meals, I now see why I was told it would become more than just working towards June 22. When something becomes a habit, whether you wake up everyday at the same time or eat at a certain restaurant, it becomes part of your life and this is what is happening to me right now. I've anticipated this week to come and now that its here I wish it would last a little longer. I know I will have the opportunity to compete again but its something about the first time that is more of an emotional attachment then anything else. I say bitter sweet because I love what I'm doing, I love the challenge of having to prioritize this event around my life; I LOVE IT! that's the sweet part, the bitter part is knowing that on Sunday I'll be slowly going back to eating regular foods that I've been cutting out like dairy, fruits and certain veggies and not having to get-up early to fit in my training 2X/day. Adjusting to getting back to the way it was in January will also be a journey ALL on its own. Don't get me wrong, I do not have a problem with eating or training, like mentioned, its more of an emotional feeling, I guess it a feeling of accomplishment, now its onto the next chapter.

This is the first time in my life I've started something and stuck to it. I always doubted myself and felt insecure about how I felt about whatever I was doing or wanted to do. To be able to push the reset button with no fears, to know that what I left behind would only make me a stronger person has truly brought me to this day. When I was 18 year old, someone once told me "you can't drive a car looking at your rear view mirror, you'll crash, that's the way life is too" and at that time I was young and restless and didn't really take it in but now it makes a lot of sense because I stopped looking over my shoulder and I began to focus on where I wanted to go. My point is, it took 8 years for me to stop looking back at the situations I couldn't change, I won't say it was a waste of time nor will I say I had a good time but what I will say is I'm happy that I did something about it. Its never too late to take in someone's wise words, even when they are said at a time in our life where your choosing to go your own way, even when you feel like the your world is coming down and there are people who know you and who are advising you, listen to what they have to say because one day those words will echo back into your life and put a smile on your face and then you'll know that you choose the right path even if at the time you doubted yourself and others did too, you can now look back and say "hey, I did it".

This is the unofficial last post for my first bikini competition! my last post will be next Friday where I will be posting pictures, talking about my experience at the show and letting you all know about what's next for me!

I'm looking forward to seeing many of you this Saturday June 22 2013 @ 550 Wellington st London, ONT.


View Larger Map


Thank you ALL for your support! I could not have made it without your kind, honest words! Keep encouraging one another, its the best gift anyone can receive.